It's the process that counts, not the award.
The following content is rated NC16 (only seniors are supposed to know the result for now)
Though we didn't get the silver we wanted, I think we really improved a lot, not just in technique, but also in bonding, and whatever the judges may have thought, it will always feel like a "silver" performance to me. I think I'll need time to get over it, hopefully getting over enough of it in time for MYE. Honestly, I feel sad whenever I think of the results now. However, our ensemble isn't the only one feeling this way. I think 14 of the 15 of the secondary schools either deproved or maintained. But the thought of officially announcing to the whole school tomorrow that we got a bronze again just seems demoralising. We're the only cca this year making the bronze statement. We were debating whether to make all strings people stand to face the announcement in front of everyone. Initially, we agreed that if we got a copper/bronze, we wouldn't. But we finally decided to because after all, we did our best and we should be proud of it.
After getting the result, we were kind of in a dazed state. Ai and the (old) seniors had to try very hard to cheer everyone up and I thank them for that. I couldn't because I was still trying to absorb the fact. But what if strings managed to get silver? We would just cheer, maybe celebrate for a while, then go home and the effect would probably be gone within a few days. Maybe it's these "learning experiences" that will tie the cca together more firmly and serve as a firm foundation for a greater result in the future. I trust that God gave us a bronze for a greater purpose because after all, we prayed and left the outcome for Him to decide.
We did our best, God did the rest.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
One unfortunate event after another, less than 12 hours apart. This morning, my mom practically stormed into Jean's room (I was sleeping over in Jean's room cus we switched on the aircon, save the Earth) and told us it was 6.30am. I usually wake up at 5.50am. Jean was so blur, as usual in the morning, that she looked sleep and confused, only managing to mutter a "what?" while stirring in her bed. My first reaction was to say, "my goodness" and I nearly suffered from a heart attack jumping out from my bed. It was a mad rush getting ready and Jean and I didn't have time for breakfast. Quickly climbed into the car and headed to school. The later you set off, the more jammed the roads are. I would definitely be able to get to school on time but it would be harder for Jean cus Bukit Timah Road is always jammed with all the schools before hers. Thankfully, she reached 2 mins before her assembly song ended. This sort of sudden waking up is really bad for health. I could feel my heart suddenly pumping extremely hard because of the bad shock while in a semi-conscious state. Maybe it's just my age..
I was half awake throughout lessons today. I have been coming home later than 7.15pm for most of the past 2 weeks. I still find myself motivated to sacrifice an hour a day for violin practice and normal revision and homework, and worrying for SYF, so I end up almost dying. Spent recess doing viola sectionals and pure humans fixing up su young. I think the violas managed to improve quite a bit for section C and D today and I'm pleased last minute efforts were somewhat successful. I ate my first meal of the day after Geog at 2.45pm and then rushed up for violin 1 and viola sectionals. Ariela helped me lead for a while.
Sectionals today was somewhat more productive, and it was also my last. If everyone is able to maintain their standard, we shouldn't do too badly tomorrow. Jean came down to help. This is the first time in strings history - collaboration between MGS and SMSS. I plan to test her hearing to see if helping us made her hearing worse. Went home with a rather large troop of 855/165 people and Jolene entertained me with her lame jokes. I learnt that I was the first to deplete her lame joke bank. Nicole and Jolene have managed to make me feel guilty for making them miss buses while waiting for me to slowly make my way out of school. 5th time and they seem happy about it. I think that's worth about 20 buses to date.
Jean and I reached home but realised that no one was home and none of us brought out the house key and had to wait for mom to come back first. So we stood outside, walked around in circles and talked about SYF. I hope MGS gets gold with honours, then maybe SMSS will get silver. We are competitors living just a wall apart but I think we're pretty supportive of each others' ensembles. Jean and I were talked into joining our schools for our first SYF and didn't really appreciate our ensembles as much. However, the sense of belonging becomes stronger over the years, when you realise that it's your last SYF and your're going to have to retire soon. So all the best to MGS and SMSS ensembles tomorrow.
I can't sleep and that's why I started posting this. Thankfully, SYF is tomorrow. I don't think I can live with so few hours of sleep each day any longer. Tired but not being able to sleep is really not fun. I'm going to attempt to sleep by following Jolene's suggested method - counting sheep. She helped me start off the first 4.
I was half awake throughout lessons today. I have been coming home later than 7.15pm for most of the past 2 weeks. I still find myself motivated to sacrifice an hour a day for violin practice and normal revision and homework, and worrying for SYF, so I end up almost dying. Spent recess doing viola sectionals and pure humans fixing up su young. I think the violas managed to improve quite a bit for section C and D today and I'm pleased last minute efforts were somewhat successful. I ate my first meal of the day after Geog at 2.45pm and then rushed up for violin 1 and viola sectionals. Ariela helped me lead for a while.
Sectionals today was somewhat more productive, and it was also my last. If everyone is able to maintain their standard, we shouldn't do too badly tomorrow. Jean came down to help. This is the first time in strings history - collaboration between MGS and SMSS. I plan to test her hearing to see if helping us made her hearing worse. Went home with a rather large troop of 855/165 people and Jolene entertained me with her lame jokes. I learnt that I was the first to deplete her lame joke bank. Nicole and Jolene have managed to make me feel guilty for making them miss buses while waiting for me to slowly make my way out of school. 5th time and they seem happy about it. I think that's worth about 20 buses to date.
Jean and I reached home but realised that no one was home and none of us brought out the house key and had to wait for mom to come back first. So we stood outside, walked around in circles and talked about SYF. I hope MGS gets gold with honours, then maybe SMSS will get silver. We are competitors living just a wall apart but I think we're pretty supportive of each others' ensembles. Jean and I were talked into joining our schools for our first SYF and didn't really appreciate our ensembles as much. However, the sense of belonging becomes stronger over the years, when you realise that it's your last SYF and your're going to have to retire soon. So all the best to MGS and SMSS ensembles tomorrow.
I can't sleep and that's why I started posting this. Thankfully, SYF is tomorrow. I don't think I can live with so few hours of sleep each day any longer. Tired but not being able to sleep is really not fun. I'm going to attempt to sleep by following Jolene's suggested method - counting sheep. She helped me start off the first 4.
Monday, April 27, 2009
I'm posting this because I'm waiting for today's rehearsal recording to be uploaded. My ageing video camera (or rather, my uncle's) screwed up the latest recording when we improved quite a bit. So unfortunate.
This morning's devotion was rather pressurising. Band: silver to gold; Drama: bronze to silver; Chinese Dance: gold to gold with honours... Strings is the only one left. Other than the pressurising part, I thought the rest of it was rather meaningful and I was more awake than usual.
Today was full dress rehearsal. No comments. Then Mr L invited a really famous violinist to come listen to us and provide feedback. We were all quite shocked and I was immediately concerned for his hearing. I can't remember exactly where he's from or his name because they were too exotic for me to catch. He was the principal violinist of the Radio Symphony orchestra (i heard of it before, so it should be famous enough) for 30 years. Wow. His comments made everyone listen up and we managed to improve quite a bit. The only obstacle would be to make sure everyone remembers everything. This was what kind of brightened up my day/week.
But then when I reached home, the most unfortunate thing happened. When I opened up my violin case to start violin practice at around 8.45pm, I suddenly saw that my D string snapped. My immediate reaction: oh no.. God, why now? 2 more days to SYF (actually less than 2 already) and my string just decided to give up on me. I remained in a state of shock for about 5 minutes. I only had Dominant strings and the were different from my current strings (diff strings have a slightly diff tone). My dad could pick up the strings I needed tmr, but then it would have less than 12 hours to season. I went around the house trying to ask for help but there was really nothing much I could do. jean kindly offered to lend me her violin for SYF since she would be playing before me. But I decided that I'll just stick to mine cus I'm not used to the shape of her violin. I finally regained composure and decided to make do with whatever I had. So now my D string is Dominant and I have to play it a lot to make sure it doesn't go out of tune during SYF. It takes roughly 2 weeks to season a string and now I have to do it in 2 days. Sigh.. I really don't know why God made this happen. So for violin practice, I decided to permanently reside in the toilet and just play the D string for half an hour. I nearly went deaf cus it's echo-y. But at least I managed to practice drawing straight bows while bowing the D string. Then I spent the remaining time focusing on Music Practical test pieces (this thurs, 1 day after SYF) and SYF pieces. Sigh.. Honestly, this unfortunate event ruined whatever hope I had left and almost made me want to just sit somewhere and give up. But then, after thinking about it, everything happens for a reason, and maybe this is just one challenge God wants me to overcome and learn from. Losing a string 2 days before SYF is really tragic. It's like getting injured before a race. I'm going to have to practice on that string and season it like siao within the next 40 hours.
Never give up, even when things are looking hopeless
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Today was a good day for relaxing. At least I could silently contemplate on SYF without actually having to do anything about it yet. But hopeless doing that sometimes. After today, 2 more days.
On a lighter note, here's something that happened yesterday. After the PlayMax group leader briefing, The crowd of us walked out of the building and decided to head towards some famous coffeeshop for a snack and to discuss. Then while walking, Xiao Jun passed her violin to me for me to help carry. Then I can't remember how, but Jian Ling ended up carrying it for a while. Then she started inspecting the case and then suddenly asked, "where's the switch?" My goodness.. That's the funniest thing a violin case could have heard in its lifetime.
Today I started talking to Jean about how smss and syf were going. MGS is aiming for Gold with Honours and the sec 3s and 4s will just cry if they don't get it. Then she started talking about how all the syf-involved ccas in her school got gold, except one - Gold with Honours. Gah.. They want to be the next to get it. And I was telling her I'd be jumping like mad if smss got silver. Then Jean gave me a huge shock. She suddenly offered to go down to smss to listen to the ensemble and try to help out. My first reaction was, "are you sure? your ears might die, you know?" Well she seemed pretty determined to do it. Well, one reason could be because smss really had nothing to lose. Other schools have closed rehearsals and get very fussy about who listens. Another reason could be because she's too free - really. She doesn't even practice syf pieces at home, except on 2 occasions before her syf auditions. 2 days to SYF, still no SYF practices in her room. Another reason, she probably thinks I'm going to die before SYF. She started making me watch funny youtube videos (Britains got Talent) in an indirect attempt to get me alive. Like CPR.
The power of music - it can depress you, and it can numb your depression. I realised that I managed to stay away from thinking about cca while doing violin practice (except when I was practicing SYF pieces). I don't know why. Maybe it's because my brain is more able to divert great stresses to playing music. For once in an extremely long while, I sat at the piano and started playing around with it, improvising on whatever melodies came to my head. And I managed to digress from thinking about cca too intently for a record breaking 2 hours this week. I consider that a personal achievement. But after playing the violin/piano for 3 hours, the usual thoughts came back.
New string ensemble motto: Move Like Siao
Our value: Breathe
Never give up, even when things are looking hopeless. This is the right time to abide by it.
On a lighter note, here's something that happened yesterday. After the PlayMax group leader briefing, The crowd of us walked out of the building and decided to head towards some famous coffeeshop for a snack and to discuss. Then while walking, Xiao Jun passed her violin to me for me to help carry. Then I can't remember how, but Jian Ling ended up carrying it for a while. Then she started inspecting the case and then suddenly asked, "where's the switch?" My goodness.. That's the funniest thing a violin case could have heard in its lifetime.
Today I started talking to Jean about how smss and syf were going. MGS is aiming for Gold with Honours and the sec 3s and 4s will just cry if they don't get it. Then she started talking about how all the syf-involved ccas in her school got gold, except one - Gold with Honours. Gah.. They want to be the next to get it. And I was telling her I'd be jumping like mad if smss got silver. Then Jean gave me a huge shock. She suddenly offered to go down to smss to listen to the ensemble and try to help out. My first reaction was, "are you sure? your ears might die, you know?" Well she seemed pretty determined to do it. Well, one reason could be because smss really had nothing to lose. Other schools have closed rehearsals and get very fussy about who listens. Another reason could be because she's too free - really. She doesn't even practice syf pieces at home, except on 2 occasions before her syf auditions. 2 days to SYF, still no SYF practices in her room. Another reason, she probably thinks I'm going to die before SYF. She started making me watch funny youtube videos (Britains got Talent) in an indirect attempt to get me alive. Like CPR.
The power of music - it can depress you, and it can numb your depression. I realised that I managed to stay away from thinking about cca while doing violin practice (except when I was practicing SYF pieces). I don't know why. Maybe it's because my brain is more able to divert great stresses to playing music. For once in an extremely long while, I sat at the piano and started playing around with it, improvising on whatever melodies came to my head. And I managed to digress from thinking about cca too intently for a record breaking 2 hours this week. I consider that a personal achievement. But after playing the violin/piano for 3 hours, the usual thoughts came back.
New string ensemble motto: Move Like Siao
Our value: Breathe
Never give up, even when things are looking hopeless. This is the right time to abide by it.
Sigh
The fact that it's midnight now just means that there are 3 more days to SYF.
This morning was spent at sectionals in school. I find it disappointing I wasn't able to help make much of a difference to the current state. I was able to vent some of my frustration built up from last night. But I only managed to work out a few sections of music today. Gah.. I don't even know if that was productive. It might still sound the same on Monday. I wish I could just issue a state of emergency on Strings. Juniors are getting worried about my mental health and I am sorry about that, but I just find it very worrying, listening to the nearly the same things being played over and over again. Whenever I finished practice this week, I couldn't even speak to my parents properly. I feel guilty they had to be the ones I vented some of my frustration on.
Went for lunch with grandparents after that. The rest of the day helped to divert some of my attention away from strings. I didn't feel like eating much and was full after a few mouthfuls. But still got forced to eat. Then PlayMax group leader training. Then went out for chimes dinner at Suntec. Hungry but didn't feel like eating again. My mind kept wandering off to cca like every 3 mins the whole day.
Sigh.. The feeling like your're tired but can't sleep; Hungry but can't eat etc etc. It can just kill me sooner or later.
Ck I really wish you wouldn't give up yet. Just disappoints me to see someone I look up to giving up before I do.
The fact that it's midnight now just means that there are 3 more days to SYF.
This morning was spent at sectionals in school. I find it disappointing I wasn't able to help make much of a difference to the current state. I was able to vent some of my frustration built up from last night. But I only managed to work out a few sections of music today. Gah.. I don't even know if that was productive. It might still sound the same on Monday. I wish I could just issue a state of emergency on Strings. Juniors are getting worried about my mental health and I am sorry about that, but I just find it very worrying, listening to the nearly the same things being played over and over again. Whenever I finished practice this week, I couldn't even speak to my parents properly. I feel guilty they had to be the ones I vented some of my frustration on.
Went for lunch with grandparents after that. The rest of the day helped to divert some of my attention away from strings. I didn't feel like eating much and was full after a few mouthfuls. But still got forced to eat. Then PlayMax group leader training. Then went out for chimes dinner at Suntec. Hungry but didn't feel like eating again. My mind kept wandering off to cca like every 3 mins the whole day.
Sigh.. The feeling like your're tired but can't sleep; Hungry but can't eat etc etc. It can just kill me sooner or later.
Ck I really wish you wouldn't give up yet. Just disappoints me to see someone I look up to giving up before I do.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
It's about midnight and I'm still online. Tired but cannot sleep. I'm tired from such a long, and gradually depressing day. Started off with English MYE. I have no comments about that. Then stayed back for CCA. Today's practice was rather eventful. For the first time in our short history, we prayed for the syf. Kind of forced Ariela to be the first. Pearlyn and I are on the next rotation cycle. 4 hours of CCA and an hour of normal violin practice at home is an overdose of violining.
I don't know if we're improving. From the recording, we aren't. That's making me tired + angry + frustrated + annoyed+ blah. Each recording just makes my ears, head and heart ache more. Other schools are already focusing on moving/visual impact and we're still trying to solve intonation problems. I don't want the CCA to be the only one in school that gets a bronze/copper with honours. Listening to recordings the past hour is making me panick badly. I have a long mental list on what I have to correct for sectionals tomorrow (later) and I'm worried there isn't going to be enough time. Talk about my intended section-bonding time.
My head feels weird and there's this slight intention of giving up on people who don't seem serious. But then, who am I to judge them. Not like I'm some pro. The only thing I'm going to be able to do is to help as much as I can. And trust God, which suddenly seems harder than before.
Sorry for this rant-like post. I'm getting tired but I have to try to survive till SYF and MYEs are over. Just realised this week has been quite demoralising.
Never give up, even when things are looking hopeless. Quite hard to live by.
I don't know if we're improving. From the recording, we aren't. That's making me tired + angry + frustrated + annoyed+ blah. Each recording just makes my ears, head and heart ache more. Other schools are already focusing on moving/visual impact and we're still trying to solve intonation problems. I don't want the CCA to be the only one in school that gets a bronze/copper with honours. Listening to recordings the past hour is making me panick badly. I have a long mental list on what I have to correct for sectionals tomorrow (later) and I'm worried there isn't going to be enough time. Talk about my intended section-bonding time.
My head feels weird and there's this slight intention of giving up on people who don't seem serious. But then, who am I to judge them. Not like I'm some pro. The only thing I'm going to be able to do is to help as much as I can. And trust God, which suddenly seems harder than before.
Sorry for this rant-like post. I'm getting tired but I have to try to survive till SYF and MYEs are over. Just realised this week has been quite demoralising.
Never give up, even when things are looking hopeless. Quite hard to live by.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
The first thing I've been hearing whenever I step out of the car on school mornings is 93.8 Live. And what's worse, they've been turning up the volume by 50% since last Friday. When my mom dropped me off, she looked suspiciously at the canteen to check if there was anything that could possbible be creating all that noise. I thought there was some fun fair. But for goodness sake, It's 6.45 at the crack of dawn and nobody really wants to get shouted at by some radio news reporter. This is especially bad when I'm trying to rush out my SS homework. Gah.. I'm deaf enough already and I don't think other normal-eared people can stand all that racket either. Sorry but I have to rant about this cus now I'm so haunted by 93.8 Live that I get scared whenever I hear a radio.
Today after lessons ended, I was staying back with Elizabeth to discuss Chinese compre answers. Evangeline was finishing up her math I think. Somehow we started vandalising each other and she ended up moving to the desk in front, also because there's a fan there. Then she wanted to borrow my stapler but I forced her to come back to take it so I could draw on her. After that, I went back to discussing the Chinese thing and suddenly my pencil case was swooped away, by Evangeline. Then she said something like, "hahaha.. I managed to take your pencil case right from your nose." Maybe I heard wrongly but for the first time, Evangeline made a silly English mistake.
There is going to be a Pedra Branca at Evangeline's and my desk. We're going to construct a lighthouse so Mrs S can turn off the back row off lights next time, and we'll switch on our lighthouse to compensate. Jk.. But I really think our next project should be a fan. Our desks are so isolated that we're out of reach of a fan, and electric sockets, so we can't even drag a fan over. Solar energy would be good, maybe we could use the lighthouse to provide light energy for the fan.
8 more days to SYF. I started panicking unofficially on Sunday night after I heard the recording of our practice on Friday. It's really worrying. Strings hasn't recieved a single scolding from any teacher for the past 6 months, and I don't predict one anytime soon. I think Joycelyn is the only one who can convincingly scold a section, but I can't execute that properly. People would just start laughing or I would forget I'm supposed to be angry. Maybe that's my weakness. I don't think I can bring myself to scold the 2 sections under me, especially the violas. I think they work better when I am happy, and what's more, they've improved beyond anyone's expectations, so there's no reason to take such action. But seeing other CCAs passionately fighting for their award through tears, scoldings and a lot more really makes me wonder if strings is doing enough. Is it possible to achieve the best while having a cheery mood? Do all people operate better when they are emotionally/psychologically "tortured"? In general, is no pain, no gain, true?
I am also facing another dilema which will hopefully be solved tomorrow. I don't like the idea of kicking anyone out when they say they want to work harder, but are yet unable to produce the desired result. Because if I do kick people out like that, I might as well drop out too. I practice the parts I can't play perfectly every day, but it doesn't really work well - it's still not perfect. I'm refering to section I of John Rutter. I used to be able to play it relatively perfectly, but after a while, my arms could not coordinate as well again. I don't know why and sometimes I think it's really unfortunate/unfair. It's not that I'm not working on it (I'm using as many methods of practice/techniques as I can remember), but I just cannot play it. It feels demoralising, knowing I once could play it, but now struggle through and dread that part. How can I sit in front and yet struggle through a section. Sometimes I almost give up by thinking of ways to make the mistakes not so obvious instead of trying to perfect it. Like my case, X deproved too. Is my situation the same as X's? Just that hers is maybe a worse form. But the idea is the same. I wouldn't know if she also practices hard at home, but is yet unable to play at the expected standard. Where do I draw the line? I wish I had more wisdom. Is SYF about the award, or is it about the process we all go through together? Is it more about making yourself proud, or making others proud? I admit I did my own fair share of reflecting while "interviewing" X yesterday.
A useful quote from choir: When you feel like giving up, think of why you held on for so long in the first place
Never give up, even when things are looking hopeless
Today after lessons ended, I was staying back with Elizabeth to discuss Chinese compre answers. Evangeline was finishing up her math I think. Somehow we started vandalising each other and she ended up moving to the desk in front, also because there's a fan there. Then she wanted to borrow my stapler but I forced her to come back to take it so I could draw on her. After that, I went back to discussing the Chinese thing and suddenly my pencil case was swooped away, by Evangeline. Then she said something like, "hahaha.. I managed to take your pencil case right from your nose." Maybe I heard wrongly but for the first time, Evangeline made a silly English mistake.
There is going to be a Pedra Branca at Evangeline's and my desk. We're going to construct a lighthouse so Mrs S can turn off the back row off lights next time, and we'll switch on our lighthouse to compensate. Jk.. But I really think our next project should be a fan. Our desks are so isolated that we're out of reach of a fan, and electric sockets, so we can't even drag a fan over. Solar energy would be good, maybe we could use the lighthouse to provide light energy for the fan.
8 more days to SYF. I started panicking unofficially on Sunday night after I heard the recording of our practice on Friday. It's really worrying. Strings hasn't recieved a single scolding from any teacher for the past 6 months, and I don't predict one anytime soon. I think Joycelyn is the only one who can convincingly scold a section, but I can't execute that properly. People would just start laughing or I would forget I'm supposed to be angry. Maybe that's my weakness. I don't think I can bring myself to scold the 2 sections under me, especially the violas. I think they work better when I am happy, and what's more, they've improved beyond anyone's expectations, so there's no reason to take such action. But seeing other CCAs passionately fighting for their award through tears, scoldings and a lot more really makes me wonder if strings is doing enough. Is it possible to achieve the best while having a cheery mood? Do all people operate better when they are emotionally/psychologically "tortured"? In general, is no pain, no gain, true?
I am also facing another dilema which will hopefully be solved tomorrow. I don't like the idea of kicking anyone out when they say they want to work harder, but are yet unable to produce the desired result. Because if I do kick people out like that, I might as well drop out too. I practice the parts I can't play perfectly every day, but it doesn't really work well - it's still not perfect. I'm refering to section I of John Rutter. I used to be able to play it relatively perfectly, but after a while, my arms could not coordinate as well again. I don't know why and sometimes I think it's really unfortunate/unfair. It's not that I'm not working on it (I'm using as many methods of practice/techniques as I can remember), but I just cannot play it. It feels demoralising, knowing I once could play it, but now struggle through and dread that part. How can I sit in front and yet struggle through a section. Sometimes I almost give up by thinking of ways to make the mistakes not so obvious instead of trying to perfect it. Like my case, X deproved too. Is my situation the same as X's? Just that hers is maybe a worse form. But the idea is the same. I wouldn't know if she also practices hard at home, but is yet unable to play at the expected standard. Where do I draw the line? I wish I had more wisdom. Is SYF about the award, or is it about the process we all go through together? Is it more about making yourself proud, or making others proud? I admit I did my own fair share of reflecting while "interviewing" X yesterday.
A useful quote from choir: When you feel like giving up, think of why you held on for so long in the first place
Never give up, even when things are looking hopeless
Saturday, April 18, 2009
one saturday,
Today was such a nice Saturday, and it's going to be like that for now. I didn't have to go to school in the morning for sectionals. Not that I detest it or anything, but it just takes up a lot of my Saturday time, considering the fact I am mostly out from lunch till late at night. Once I woke up, I realised I was the only one at home. Then I remembered my parents sent Jean to school and they had gone for their usual Saturday Morning Jog. I did violin practice and for once in a long while, my fingertips on my left hand were actually acheing. That's because the last time I practiced was exactly 12 hours ago and I just learnt that my fingers take about 20 hours to recover from the 1hour+ daily torture.
I managed to spend some time studying (yes, I have started studying and I'm being honest, so I hope anyone who reads this will be inspired to start getting to work) and then walking around the house aimlessly and looking at what other people were doing. I realised that I can't study for more than 2 hours a day because anythikng more than that is unproductive. It would just be like reading some non-fiction books.
After a relaxing morning, went out with my parents and started the rest of a usual hectic Saturday. There was Paul Fellowship anniversary so Timothy Fellowship people met for dinner before going. I was not that hungry but I decided to eat anyway. Pay back for NAPFA. I got force-treated to an iced milo by Andrew and gave in in the end. The fellowships in church have a really common bond - or something we all practice. Whenever its another fellowship's anniversary, our present is in the form of a performance, more commonly, presenting a song. So that's what we did. Then after the anniversary celebration, the TF camp comm had a meeting to evaluate the camp overall. Jean is still now back and I think she'll be back around 11.30pm. She's having some Arts Appreciation Concert thingy. I haven't seen her the whole day.
And that ends my day, well, nearly. I'm ending this post now because I don't like the heat here. My father is smart. If I were fighting a war, I'd want him on my side. While I was showering, he cleverly walked into my room and switched on the air con promptly at 9.50pm. When I stepped out of my toilet, I was quite pleasantly surprised at how my room was suddenly so cool. His aim was probably to make me sleep earlier (and be more alert for church tmr). Since the air con is already on and I don't really want to waste electricity by staying out here in the heat typing this, that's all for now.
I managed to spend some time studying (yes, I have started studying and I'm being honest, so I hope anyone who reads this will be inspired to start getting to work) and then walking around the house aimlessly and looking at what other people were doing. I realised that I can't study for more than 2 hours a day because anythikng more than that is unproductive. It would just be like reading some non-fiction books.
After a relaxing morning, went out with my parents and started the rest of a usual hectic Saturday. There was Paul Fellowship anniversary so Timothy Fellowship people met for dinner before going. I was not that hungry but I decided to eat anyway. Pay back for NAPFA. I got force-treated to an iced milo by Andrew and gave in in the end. The fellowships in church have a really common bond - or something we all practice. Whenever its another fellowship's anniversary, our present is in the form of a performance, more commonly, presenting a song. So that's what we did. Then after the anniversary celebration, the TF camp comm had a meeting to evaluate the camp overall. Jean is still now back and I think she'll be back around 11.30pm. She's having some Arts Appreciation Concert thingy. I haven't seen her the whole day.
And that ends my day, well, nearly. I'm ending this post now because I don't like the heat here. My father is smart. If I were fighting a war, I'd want him on my side. While I was showering, he cleverly walked into my room and switched on the air con promptly at 9.50pm. When I stepped out of my toilet, I was quite pleasantly surprised at how my room was suddenly so cool. His aim was probably to make me sleep earlier (and be more alert for church tmr). Since the air con is already on and I don't really want to waste electricity by staying out here in the heat typing this, that's all for now.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Sunday was Easter. It's of quite some significance to Christians because the fact the Jesus ressurected forms the base of the religion (some people would rather call it a way of life, but I don't think that makes much of a difference). I thought what the speaker said was quite meaningful. Imagine you are lost somewhere, and you come across 2 people, one is alive and the other is dead. Who would you ask for directions? For me, the one that's alive and kicking. Similarly, would you choose a religion that has its creator already dead? (Note: I'm not trying to spark any religious arguments, just pointing out some interesting facts)
Yesterday, there was sectionals. During break, I was visiting the viola section (they were busy accusing me of neglecting them cus I was having sectionals with Mr L) and so I decided to let them play Mozart's peice to entertain me. So they managed to play half of it, I corrected them a bit, and then I got chased out of the classroom after they suddenly realised they were supposed to be angry with me. Haha.. And then, just as I was going out, Ai suddenly told me she wanted to show me something. She walked me over to the toilet conveniently located outside the sec 1 classroom and asked me to look at the sink. I can't believe I didn't suspect anything was wrong. Then she turned on the tap, washed her hands (cupped a handful of water). The next thing I heard was, HAPPY THAI NEW YEAR! and then I realised I was quite drenched. If I were slightly more aged, I would have died in shock. A water fight followed next and it started spreading into the classroom to the rest of the violists. Ai poured water on Su Young and she couldn't stop screaming for 10 very long seconds. I hope the cctvs around don't record sound. There was some sort of unrest near the toilet and people were running around either dodging water bullets or firing them. So, to all Thais, happy Thai new year!
What should I do when I'm dead? I mean, what should I make others do? My mom was discussing with my dad in the car, in front of me, literally, because I think they're hinting at something. She was listing out several options, asking my dad how he wanted his dead body to be treated next time. It's these conversations that I think I have to take note of so I know what to do next time. But the only problem is, my mom keeps changing her mind. There's a range of options, from being fertilliser to just being bottled up.
Option A: Take a one way ride out to sea, get a permit for the ashes to be dumped in the sea. The advantages are that it's cheap cus you don't have to buy a plot of land to deposit yourself, and the people who want to remember you won't have to go all the way to some ulu cemetry or crematorium. Easier maintainence too (or none at all). Just looking at the whole line-up of cars outside my house during qing ming jie (cus my house is conveninetly located near 2 temples, which are tourist attractions too), it's enough to deter anyone from having to bear the traffic. The other advantage would be adding nutrients to the seabed.
Option Bi: HDB flat style, 30 year lease. You ask someone to put your ashes in an urn and store it in a crematorium. But then you would also have to make a plaque which serves somewhat as your front door. The disadvantage is that the people responsible for your home have to pay for it and renew the lease.
Option Bii: HDB flat syle, but freehold. This is better and less troublesome than Bii. You can stay there for 999 years. That's how my maternal grandfather's ashes were stored. My grandmother was telling my mom that she wanted her urn to be placed on the top floor of the "HDB block", single room. The problem is that my mom secretly bought a hole for 2 people and it wasn't on the top level. For now, the plaque that is there was is just for my grandfather, so I think she doesn't know yet.
Option C: Landed property. Buy a plot of land in an ulu area of Singapore and load the coffin six feet under. Some people save space by stacking the coffins. The bad thing is that once its time to exhume it, it's going to be tough for the people still alive because they will be reminded of your departure from Earth. Mom was fantasising about some garden cemetry where you have a gardener, watch man, music, nice scenery and maybe a fountain.
Option D: Donate yourself for scientific research, or parts of yourself. I was considering that when I was around 8 or 9 years old, after I went to look at the exhibition that had all the cross sections and preserved parts of people. You get to travel all over the world even when you're dead. Cool
My mom was suggesting she and dad sign a pact, to follow whoever goes first. There was an interesting aritcle in the news, about this place where a very very tall man once lived. When he died, the undertakers assured his family that their coffin would be able to fit him completely. Then there were many rumours about his legs being chopped off so he could fit inside. After many years, they finally decided to find out the truth. The coffin was unearthed and they opened it to check. True enough, the legs were chopped off. But my goodness, doing that just to check if the rumour was true is quite ___________.
Yesterday, there was sectionals. During break, I was visiting the viola section (they were busy accusing me of neglecting them cus I was having sectionals with Mr L) and so I decided to let them play Mozart's peice to entertain me. So they managed to play half of it, I corrected them a bit, and then I got chased out of the classroom after they suddenly realised they were supposed to be angry with me. Haha.. And then, just as I was going out, Ai suddenly told me she wanted to show me something. She walked me over to the toilet conveniently located outside the sec 1 classroom and asked me to look at the sink. I can't believe I didn't suspect anything was wrong. Then she turned on the tap, washed her hands (cupped a handful of water). The next thing I heard was, HAPPY THAI NEW YEAR! and then I realised I was quite drenched. If I were slightly more aged, I would have died in shock. A water fight followed next and it started spreading into the classroom to the rest of the violists. Ai poured water on Su Young and she couldn't stop screaming for 10 very long seconds. I hope the cctvs around don't record sound. There was some sort of unrest near the toilet and people were running around either dodging water bullets or firing them. So, to all Thais, happy Thai new year!
What should I do when I'm dead? I mean, what should I make others do? My mom was discussing with my dad in the car, in front of me, literally, because I think they're hinting at something. She was listing out several options, asking my dad how he wanted his dead body to be treated next time. It's these conversations that I think I have to take note of so I know what to do next time. But the only problem is, my mom keeps changing her mind. There's a range of options, from being fertilliser to just being bottled up.
Option A: Take a one way ride out to sea, get a permit for the ashes to be dumped in the sea. The advantages are that it's cheap cus you don't have to buy a plot of land to deposit yourself, and the people who want to remember you won't have to go all the way to some ulu cemetry or crematorium. Easier maintainence too (or none at all). Just looking at the whole line-up of cars outside my house during qing ming jie (cus my house is conveninetly located near 2 temples, which are tourist attractions too), it's enough to deter anyone from having to bear the traffic. The other advantage would be adding nutrients to the seabed.
Option Bi: HDB flat style, 30 year lease. You ask someone to put your ashes in an urn and store it in a crematorium. But then you would also have to make a plaque which serves somewhat as your front door. The disadvantage is that the people responsible for your home have to pay for it and renew the lease.
Option Bii: HDB flat syle, but freehold. This is better and less troublesome than Bii. You can stay there for 999 years. That's how my maternal grandfather's ashes were stored. My grandmother was telling my mom that she wanted her urn to be placed on the top floor of the "HDB block", single room. The problem is that my mom secretly bought a hole for 2 people and it wasn't on the top level. For now, the plaque that is there was is just for my grandfather, so I think she doesn't know yet.
Option C: Landed property. Buy a plot of land in an ulu area of Singapore and load the coffin six feet under. Some people save space by stacking the coffins. The bad thing is that once its time to exhume it, it's going to be tough for the people still alive because they will be reminded of your departure from Earth. Mom was fantasising about some garden cemetry where you have a gardener, watch man, music, nice scenery and maybe a fountain.
Option D: Donate yourself for scientific research, or parts of yourself. I was considering that when I was around 8 or 9 years old, after I went to look at the exhibition that had all the cross sections and preserved parts of people. You get to travel all over the world even when you're dead. Cool
My mom was suggesting she and dad sign a pact, to follow whoever goes first. There was an interesting aritcle in the news, about this place where a very very tall man once lived. When he died, the undertakers assured his family that their coffin would be able to fit him completely. Then there were many rumours about his legs being chopped off so he could fit inside. After many years, they finally decided to find out the truth. The coffin was unearthed and they opened it to check. True enough, the legs were chopped off. But my goodness, doing that just to check if the rumour was true is quite ___________.
Friday, April 10, 2009
I think today was really rather violin-ish. Went to church for the Good Friday service. The room was so packed there was another room that catered to the "extra" people, complete with live broadcast. I had to play the prelude with jie ying (one of the three jie yings I know). It was rather ok, just that my violin was out of tune and I was panicking trying to tune it within a few minutes. After that, my uncle took over from the piano (he's the main pianist for the worship) and dragged me to play violin with him. It was like sight reading, except a little more challenging, cus I have to sight read and improvise at the same time.
I think I saw/heard one particular passage from Isaiah 53 at least three times (err in Chinese). First time, was when I was reading the bible passage. Second was when my grandfather was praying before breaking bread etc for holy communion. Third time, I can't remember. Then it appeared many times in my head. I suddenly realised what the song 深触我心 was all about and where it came from.
耶稣诚然担当我们的忧患，
背负我们痛苦
耶稣为我们的过犯受害
为我们的罪孽压伤
因你受的刑罚我们得平安
因你受的鞭伤我们得医治
完全得医治
感谢耶稣，我的救主
我得平安，我得医治
我的耶稣，爱我的主
你的恩典，深触我心
The whole song is based on Isaiah 53. It is about how Jesus was willing to be tortured, humiliated, put to death on the cross (the worst form of death in those days). And because of that, we are forgiven, have peace and are saved.
Another song that came to my mind, this time in English. Above All.
Above all powers
Above all kings
Above all nature
And all created things
Above all wisdom
And all the ways of man
You were here
Before the world began
Above all kingdoms
Above all thrones
Above all wonders
The world has ever known
Above all wealth
And treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure
What You're worth
Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all
I reached home at around 2pm and started my violin practice soon after. Then discussed some stuff with xj for around an hour. Continued violin practice by practicing with Jean. She's playing the piano, I'm doing violin. I'll put up a recording someday for my own listening torture. I finally ended violin practice around 6pm+. My towel (to absorb sweat) was quit drenched. My chin and bone (ribcage, where the shoulder rest is supposed to rest on) was aching badly.
I spent most of the rest of the day preparing for next week. There's AM MRT on Monday, SS test and some letter writing thing on Tuesday, Physics Test on Wednesday, Chemistry SPA on Thursday.
I think I saw/heard one particular passage from Isaiah 53 at least three times (err in Chinese). First time, was when I was reading the bible passage. Second was when my grandfather was praying before breaking bread etc for holy communion. Third time, I can't remember. Then it appeared many times in my head. I suddenly realised what the song 深触我心 was all about and where it came from.
耶稣诚然担当我们的忧患，
背负我们痛苦
耶稣为我们的过犯受害
为我们的罪孽压伤
因你受的刑罚我们得平安
因你受的鞭伤我们得医治
完全得医治
感谢耶稣，我的救主
我得平安，我得医治
我的耶稣，爱我的主
你的恩典，深触我心
The whole song is based on Isaiah 53. It is about how Jesus was willing to be tortured, humiliated, put to death on the cross (the worst form of death in those days). And because of that, we are forgiven, have peace and are saved.
Another song that came to my mind, this time in English. Above All.
Above all powers
Above all kings
Above all nature
And all created things
Above all wisdom
And all the ways of man
You were here
Before the world began
Above all kingdoms
Above all thrones
Above all wonders
The world has ever known
Above all wealth
And treasures of the earth
There's no way to measure
What You're worth
Crucified
Laid behind a stone
You lived to die
Rejected and alone
Like a rose
Trampled on the ground
You took the fall
And thought of me
Above all
I reached home at around 2pm and started my violin practice soon after. Then discussed some stuff with xj for around an hour. Continued violin practice by practicing with Jean. She's playing the piano, I'm doing violin. I'll put up a recording someday for my own listening torture. I finally ended violin practice around 6pm+. My towel (to absorb sweat) was quit drenched. My chin and bone (ribcage, where the shoulder rest is supposed to rest on) was aching badly.
I spent most of the rest of the day preparing for next week. There's AM MRT on Monday, SS test and some letter writing thing on Tuesday, Physics Test on Wednesday, Chemistry SPA on Thursday.
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Yesterday was Flag Day. I went down to AMK with Ariela, Jie Ying and Pearlyn after sectionals. We signed in at 11.25am and originally intended to hide our donation bags and slack off to have lunch, but I don't think my conscience allowed me to do that. I dared to say I wanted to cheat and just eat lunch and gain 1 CIP hour at the same time, but when I got the bag, couldn't bring myself to do that. I'm quite glad I didn't. So we decided to buy some polar pastries to munch on, taking turns.
I stationed myself right outside AMK MRT, at a road junction crossing. After walking about in circles there and begging people for money, I think I have a rather good idea of how Singaporeans react to Flags. I must have said "Hi, would you like to make a donation to St. Luke's Hospital and Eldercare?" about a few hundred times. Over the course of the 4+ hours, I gave my question more than 50% discount.
There was this particular old man whom I asked. He started telling me about how there is a financial crisis and I shouldn't be asking people to make donations. Then he started asking me if I knew of the NKF and Ren Ci scandal. TT Durai and the Monk. That's about all I could catch in Chinese. And because that guy was lecturing on economic-social studies in Chinese, I could only devote my limited Chinese brain cells to understanding what he was trying to say. I wanted to rebut him but realised that by the time I wanted to make my point, he switched topic. He ended off by asking me why I was bothering to stand under the hot sun when for all I know, the money I was collecting could be used carelessly. I find it hard to believe that I actually managed to reply what I replied in Chinese so fast. I told him that it didn't matter, because I was just trying my best to help others. He just looked at me, shook his head and went back to his own stuff. Looking back, I realised I could have said that I didn't have a choice, blame the school, MOE, St. Luke's. I don't know why those thoughts didn't even run past my mind. I was so fixed on defending CIP and caring for the community. Where did these values come from, and where did my usual complaining go? I just realised I'd grown up a bit.
While I was going around asking for donations, I felt happy when some kind person would take the time to stop and slot some change into the bag. I didn't feel that annoyed with people who smiled and rejected nicely. But because of those who ignored my pleas, I learnt my Flag Day lesson. From now on, I will donate money if I come across a Flag Day thing. It is some sort of encouragement when you see your stickers finishing and the bag getting more tiring to hold. Therefore, I will try to make other (poor) Flag Day victims feel better. After thinking a bit after the Flag Day experience, I suddenly realised that something was wrong. Remember I mentioned that I was glad when people donated, and frustrated at those who didn't bother? Why. After thinking about it in a rested state of mind, I realised that the money wouldn't have gone to me after all. So why should I have been so diligent and work over time when it came to begging for money for others? I remember I used to not care about donation cards, or any hong bao drive. Then again I realised, I have grown up.
There was a rather amusing incident. When I asked this lady if she wanted to make a donation, she immediately pointed to her Flag Day Pass (the St. Luke's sticker) and said hurriedly, "huan liao, huan liao!" Translated: Paid already, paid already! Most people don't want to donate twice, or they want to ensure a peaceful Flag Day without further disturbance, hence the one-day walkabout pass. I don't think that's wrong or immoral. But they don't have to make it seem as if I'm selling stickers.
Another interesting thing that happened was a minor car accident. I heard some banging noise that sounded quite unusual yet to quote Evangeline, "the sound of a thousand terrible things headed this way." The car rammed into another vehicle and its headlight got such a shock it popped out of its socket and dropped onto the road. I watched for about 5 seconds and got bored enough to return from my digression. I was so engrossed I only realised it when I suddenly saw that the road looked normal again.
I signed off at 4pm and rushed home so I could reach Eunos Gospel Hall by 6.30pm. Samuel said he saw me begging people for money, but too bad he was on a bus and couldn't have just stopped by to drop in a donation. My face was so sun burnt Rebecca thought something must have gotten into me and I decided to put on make up. My legs, the lower portion, ached madly. It's the type of pain that isn't a muscle ache, but it just makes the whole leg feel like it is getting blown up. But I think all this suffering is worth it. What I experienced was probably negligible to what those sick, old people are feeling.
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